The right way to do everything wrong

Apparently! Just ask my teenage son... Sheesh, tough crowd. LOL

Mary J. Blige, U2 - One

Little disappointments.

I am the kind of person that generally has a cheerful disposition. I wake up in a fairly decent mood. I try to see the glass as half full, and look for the good in people, most of the time. This is not to say that I am never a debbie-downer, mind you. Things get on my nerves and piss me off, on the regular!! No need to sugar coat it, and you all already know this, but life is simply a bitch with a capital B once-in-a-while. Just when you are feeling good about something or someone, here comes good ol' reality with another breath taking punch to the throat. How sad... It does make you wonder, is it me? What didn't I see? Am I too trusting and/or gullible? Just a bitch and I really don't realize it? LOL The answer is probably yes to most of those, but I really do try to be nice. So  no, on that one. (Just don't push me. Haha...) Having thought long and hard, I have decided that I am not willing to give up on humanity as a whole. Yes, there are definite assholes, and it has been a rough week for me, personally. Only when we give in to the bitter and the nasty that surrounds us, from time to time, do said assholes win. I shall take a deep breath, get on with my life and enjoy baseball season, for crying out loud!! That is where my sons shine and it's my favorite time of year. It is this kind of thing that's important. Good to remember. Loves to you good guys... ~Heather

Spinach Salad

3 bunches spinach, torn. (Or one large bag)
12-15 fresh mushrooms, sliced
1 pkg. bacon bits (I prefer fresh, 5 or 6 slices- microwaved is fine)
4 hard boiled eggs, sliced

Dressing:
1/2 salad oil
3/4 sugar
1/3 C ketchup
4 green onions, chopped
1/4 aple cider vinegar
1 T Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper to taste.

Make dressing in a blender and toss with salad just before serving.

This is an easy salad and my kids love it. Good way to sneak in some spinach. ;)

I'm going to try to do this to the small girls hair today.

Just ask our husbands. ;)

Surrounded by assholes

This is so, so true. Stiff upper lip, and all that.... ;)

The girl and I are loving this right now.

Unwritten- Natasha Bedingfield

John Wayne

Tough bitch

Fo' shizzle my nizzles.... Get 'em. You bet your ass we will. ;{ I needed this just about now. I had one of the worst afternoon's in my recent history, tbh. Dayum! Cold-cocked again by people's jaw-dropping shitty. I am clearly too gullable, and I will work on that shit in the future. Trust me. Anyway, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? Rage on my babies, I certainly shall. *sigh, sob, deeeeeep breath* ♥ 

Your Crazy Mom's courtesy of our very talented friend, James Hislope.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/James-Hislope-Cartoonist/279160478791159

10 Cup Cookies

I like this one because they are healthy-ish and this makes a BIG batch, which around here, counts! LOL

375 degrees

1 C butter, softened
1 C peanut butter
1 C white sugar
1 C brown sugar
2 eggs
1 1/4 C flour
1 t. baking soda
1/2 t. baking powder
1 t. salt
1 C chocolate chips
1 C raisins
1 C Corn Flakes
1 C oatmeal
1 C coconut (I don't use this)

Cream together butters and sugars.Add eggs, mix well, then add the rest of the ingredients, one by one until well mixed. Drop by large tablespoonful on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake for 10-12 minutes. This makes a big batch of cookies. You can store dough in refrigerator in a covered container for 2 weeks. Bake them as you want them!

Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne ~Close My Eyes Forever

Mom's don't think, we simply do...

The place where I work, is at the end of a long driveway, and it was a beautiful sunshiny morning! I noticed on the straight stretch, that there was a Mom and her little girl of maybe 6, jogging along. I could observe them for a while and it was fun to see the Mom teasing the little one, playfully. As I got closer, Mom started walking and took the little girl's hand as she quickly glanced back at my large SUV. It is a narrow road, and in a split second she took her daughter's hand and deftly moved her to the other side, placing herself between my car and her daughter. (Not that I was about to mow them down mind you, and I was maybe going two miles per hour!) Just that quick, selfless motion and her little girl's hair in the sun, warmed my heart, entirely. I thought, THAT is what it means to be a Mother... ~Heather

Laugh when you can...

These girls are going to drive me crazy.

Having 5 kids myself one would think I would be used to, not listening, chatting, giggling, staring into space etc.... Well evidently I am not. For my only daughter I volunteered to be a coach for her Girls On The Run group. Super. It works out fine for the most part. There are always 2 coaches so we are able to keep the side tracking to a minimum for the most part. Not today. For whatever reason I was the only coach for 14 10 and 11 year old girls. The lesson was complex with more activities than usual and a lot of role playing between the coaches to give examples on gossip and the harm it can do. 2 are sitting on the ground inside their coats because it's chilly. 4 are talking about what they are wearing. 1 is looking for her water bottle and the rest are waiting to get started.  I start by gathering the girls in a circle and asking them to give an example of gossip. That goes over fine. I give an example of gossip and how it can hurt everyone involved and how you can lose friends.  One of the activities was to get them paired together for a different type of freeze tag. When I  yell go they run around each other, when I say stop the have to grab the person closest to them and give them some gossip. The POINT of the exercise was to be, at the end tell the gossip they had heard and a reason as to why it can be harmful to the gossiper and the gossipee.  By the time the exercise was done I learned that, Justin Bieber east boogers, Jason put his finger in his but then smelled it, Nikki stole a car, Jessie likes David and the school is going to close. Really? I mean, really? Ok ladies, let's do some running.

What a cool idea.

Show Tell Share: Bleach Pen Tshirts-STASH: I had saved a few colored Tshirts, but have not worn them for some time now, because they started to loose their shape, looked like they wer...

Forgot to consult. LOL

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take off her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - thats why I am here!"

Doh! Lmao.... ;)

Eminem Till I Collapse

We looooooooooooove him!!! :D

Why? Because a pound in the wrong direction can send her into panic mode where she drinks protein shakes and eats lettuce for a week!!!! That's why.

Bitchslap

True story, right thar!!!! :D

Journey Open Arms

Smart ass apple.

Hahaha!! The apple did not far fall from the smart assery tree, in my case. Both of my boys have a double dose, at my house! I was cutting up some fruit for the little man, and finally got to the watermelon that he has been lusting after. I started to cut it, made a mess, of course and said, "Whoa, this is juicy!" He was standing there waiting, and got this expression on his face like he had just stepped in dog shit, you know the one- Gawd Mom, you are soooo stuuuuuupid, with the blank eyes and open mouthed amazement- and goes, "DUH!!! Why do you suppose they call it WATERmelon, Mom?" Touche' ya little fart... ~Heather

Becoming the right man...

Having sons, I love this. ♥ 

Are you strong enough to be my man. Sheryl Crow

Socks. The bain of this moms existence.... :/

Do me a favor, will you? Be honest and tell me if I am the world's worst, selfish and uncaring Mother, ever. I used to be really good at stuff. House clean, kids clean and constantly reassured, cookies baked, and even the dread laundry was done! Everything folded and put away in it's designated spot. That old adage, "A place for everything, and everything in it's place" a constant refrain in my mind... Then came 16 years of marriage, two boys (plus my man-child) and more dogs than kids. Not to mention, working, ffs.... FU June Cleaver! Bitch. What in the world is that about??? I now send my kids to school, almost daily in mismatched socks, We're lucky if they are both white or black, and I am ok with that! I have a slight case of OCD, and that sort of thing used to really bother me. What if they were in a playground accident, for God's sake?? Everyone would know that Heather had dropped the ball. Eegads, man!!! Now, not so much. Every morning, it is the same. "MOM!!! I don't have any socks!" *sigh..." Let me check the dryer" . I swear, when the boys are gone, I will find a house sized mountain of socks somewhere. Until that time, f*ck it- I'll buy new. :) ~Heather

Because free is always a good thing.

Makes my arms all goosebumply.

Click here to watch the video.

Good morning!!

Welcome Home.

No sleep tonight.

I'm preparing myself for a night of continuous waking up.  As long as we have been together it's been this way. I'm sure I'm not alone.  The husband works a late night event tonight and has to turn around and work an early event in the morning at the same location. The big boss was nice enough to put some of the managers up in a local hotel so they can get some sleep between events. It doesn't happen often but when it does, I get little to no sleep.  Why does this happen? One would think it would be the opposite. No husband in the bed to squish me in the corner, listen to snore, elbow me from time to time or fling his legs over me and refuse to move. It never fails that I will wake up at least every hour. Not for any reason. I don't get up and check the house, I know it's locked up with a 150lb dog on the main level. It's not that he's not in the bed with me because when my allergies are really bad I sleep on the couch one level up, due to my (as the kids would say) snoring that could wake the neighbors and I manage to sleep fine. It's just when he's not in the house. I won't tell him, his head is big enough as it is. I'm sure I'd just hear, "that's right baby, cuz I'm the maaaaaan!!"  We'll just keep this between us.
-Leslie

Everybody's Working for the Weekend~ Loverboy

Vin Diesel - Just cause we're hot for him!!! :D

Women let themselves go? Oh, really...?

I have heard the refrain throughout my life, as have you- no doubt, "Wow, she got married and man, has she let herself go!!!" While this is sadly true in some instances, and some ladies should be reminded, that just 'cause you got him, does not mean you'll keep him. I would also like to pipe up for those of us who actually take the time, give a shit about how we present ourselves to the world, and live with husbands/partners who have turned into slobs and could care less, how the hell they look!! I married a man 7 years my senior, and at the time, it mattered not. He was a tall, handsome dude. Well, sixteen years and two boys later- not so much. It's not that he isn't handsome, he is, he just prefers to look like a hobo most days... He is in construction. and likes rat-shit work pants, and dirty sweatshirts with a baseball hat, over unkempt hair. Newsflash: baseball hats do not cover everything! It is still evident if you didn't comb your hair. Crikey!!! (Oh, and work clothes are not acceptable restaurant attire.) I have to remind him to shower and shave, even. Are you serious??? It's not just mine I am talking about! There seems to be a trend, at least where I live, ffs. LOL I look around at my girlfriends, with their significant others and think WTF is going on here? Most of us are in our early 40's, not bad looking, and make a concerted effort to look clean and decent. Ya know- showered, hair combed, and wear make-up even!? Get a grip fellas, take care of your own shit! Take a shower, brush your teeth, hells bells- would it kill you to use a little cologne once-in-while? I know I have bought enough of that stuff. *Hint, hint* Find the pride in yourselves again, pleeeeeease. We miss it. You expect us to mommy you in lots of ways, but in this you will lose. Grown up women everywhere are soooooo over it. Helpful hint from Heather: Just 'cause you got us, does not mean you'll keep us... <3 ~Heather

What's your name again?

We all do it. Angry, excited, thrilled, whatever. We all have those times when our child's/children's name completely escapes us. Hell, I've been know to run through all the pet's names and even then I may not get it right and with 5 kids, that's a lot of names. My poor Mickey gets it the worst. I'm lucky if I know how old he is half the time. (I'm getting better, it was worse when he was young) The best case in memory is days before Halloween in the local Party Store. Of course it was packed with every parent and their child/children within a 10 mile radius. Situations like this literally make me sweat because at least 25% of these people are tunnel visioned, rude, loud and need a good punch to the throat. Anywho, we are in this store trying to find costumes for everyone. I tell my people they have to stay in a 3 aisle limit so I can see all of them.  I find the EXACT costume Mickey wanted but he is in the 3rd aisle farthest away from me. I thought he was looking at me so I waived and motioned for him to come over to me. No good, didn't see me. So I call out, "Matthew!" shit "Michael", dammit "Nicholas" what the f&*k is wrong with me? "Joey!" she's the girl, get it together. At least 15 people are staring at me now. All parents so not only are they staring but they are starting to grin and snicker a bit. "Stormie!" dog one, "Jenny!" dog two. HEY!!!  YOU!, KID WITH THE RED HAIR!!!!  He turns to look at me finally, "WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!?"  "Mickey". Oh thank God. "Mickey come here I found your costume. The crowd of parents erupts in laughter, I get my people and leave the God Damned Party Store.  True Story.
 -Leslie

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience....

R.I.P. Greg Ham the saxophonist from Men at Work :(

What's that name again?

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

True statement!

Yep. She does.

Mae West, was my kinda' girl. What, what!!!! LOL

Simply fantastic and empowering lyrics!!! Listen... Thanks, Nate. :)

U2 With or Without You

Why can't you just do the f*#king dishes the right way??????????????

Yeah, it's a problem. It's a problem for most of us. That's right, washing the dishes. We don't have a dishwasher so everything has to be done by hand. I can normally knock out the dishes in about 15-20 minutes. (when I say wash the dishes I mean the dishes and everything involved, counters, stove, pots, pans etc...)  Why should I have to? Why, after making dinner (breakfast and lunch) should I have cleanup duty? I HATE doing dishes. What's the reason I do it so fast? Because I HATE it. Why would I spend ANY extra time doing something I hate? The faster I do it, the faster I can walk away from it. You know, "work smarter not harder". I can't seem to get my people to grasp this concept.  I've shown these people how to handle after dinner dishes at least 500 times!!! Alas, every time they do it, they do it wrong, not complete, counters dirty, stove dirty, pots and pans off to the side, sink filled with soapy water and full of dishes. Question: What the f#&k is going on here?!? Answer: God!! Don't get so mad I'm not done yet, I couldn't fit all the dishes in the drainer, I'm going to finish when the first ones dry. I'm soaking these so it will be easier to  wash. The pots and pans are last, I'll do them when everything else is dry. I can't wash the counters till I'm done. Meanwhile there are 4 plates, 2 bowls and a spatula in the dish drainer. So I explain, again, put the dishes on the counter in the order you are going to wash them. This order must coincide with the order you will place them in the dish drainer so that EVERYTHING will fit in it, in one shot. Do not fill the sink with water, to "soak" things. Now you're going to wash the other dishes in that water? No.  Normally at least an hour will go by that one of the small people will tell me dishes are done and to come look. Ok. Why does it look like you poured water all over the counters? "I wiped the counters down." With what, a hose? "Look, we can't all be perfect like you mom!"  What in the everloving hell are you talking about???  They're f#&king dishes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  JUST WASH THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!           

-Leslie

Is it still considered abuse if he's bigger than me????

So. As I mentioned, my sons are athletes and we are in the thick of baseball season. I am already pulling my hair out with this f'in schedule! They are seven years apart, but of course with my luck, their practices are the same nights of the week in towns an hour apart. Needless to say, I am harried. Number one son informs me last night at ten o'clock that not only does he need an eggplant for school in the am (I shit you not- still no idea what for) BUT his new cleats that I bought last month for $125 no longer fit. What??? Damnation... We live an hour away from the largest town around here, boonies y'all, so being my day off, I nicely say I will pick him up from school and off to town we go. I got behind a slow driver, was five minutes late, and here come the phone calls... "Mom!!! Where are YOU???" Who said cell phones for kids were a good idea, again? FFUU!!!! Let's just say, it went downhill from there. Lord have mercy... He is fifteen and apparently, my taking oxygen embarrasses him, and pisses him off. He acted like such a surly spazz, it was a most unpleasant experience. No, please- let me drive you a hundred miles, round trip, have the balls and indecency to ask if you're hungry, AND drop another $125 on your punk ass, just for fun. All the while you treat me like dog shit. I love it! No, really... Thank you! Good God, if we both survive the next three years, it will be a miracle. No joke. *sigh* You feel my pain??? LOL

We mute da haters!!!! LOL

RIP Dick Clark

Awww... Those were the days, no?

Not to worry! We see it AAAALLLL..... Watch yo'selves. ;)

Oh really???

You know what galls me? When you are having a perfectly pleasant conversation with a friend, family member or acquaintance, and all of a sudden, they throw in the ol' "NO OFFENSE, BUT..." What the hell is that, anyway? It is usually used while discussing someone or something in a derogatory manner, and do people really think that negates offense? Really? It's just like a verbal bitch-slap, followed with "I'm just kidding or LOL." Ya, sure you are... Hahaha! For example, If you are discussing someone else who happens to be in possession of a big ass, don't look at your girlfriend and say, "Damn, no offense, but Jessica needs to hit up a pilates class to work on that ginormous ass of hers. Shoot..."  o.O   Say what??? Newsflash: When you say that, expect the other party to be immediately offended. Duh.  Use your heads, folks. :D ~Heather

My coffee problem.

I love coffee. I'll say it again, I looove coffee. There is nothing like a hot fresh cup of coffee at any time of the day for me.  Caffeine has no affect on me so I can enjoy it whenever I want. "That's great Leslie, so what's the problem?" Great question, let me explain.  Almost every morning when the husband leaves I hear his famous last words of, "jeezus Leslie, how many cups of coffee do you have around here?".  I do not like warm coffee, I do not like cold coffee. I like HOT coffee. I pour myself a cup in the morning with the dream of enjoying it while I watch/listen to the news, then the kids get up. Dream over. Showers, clothes, shoes, breakfast, find backpack, find homework, brush teeth....coffee is cold. According to Dr. Oz we should not nuke our coffee. (I don't like it that way anyway) Kids are off to school time for a fresh cup and start working. Emails, spreadsheets, conference calls, phone calls, coffee is cold. By the time it's 2pm I'm lucky if I've had a half a cup of coffee.  I'm thinking about getting one of those hats that I can put the coffee in and the straw comes down to my mouth.  hmph!  -Leslie

If that isn't the truth!! No sick days for Mommies. BOO!!! Hahaha....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Y1L8uRApYeQ

Good assumption.  ;)

Mom 2

Hi guys!! So nice to see you over here. I feel like we already know each other, but a refresher is a good idea. Leslie has covered the fact that we were friends in high school, and we had some pretty wild times back in the 80's!! We looked fabulous, if I do say so, and those were some good times. Not all; however, just like everyone else. We came through largely unscathed, well educated and well adjusted. I too am a Mom, first and foremost. I have two sons, Gray- just turned 15, and Fletcher- just turned 8. I am an only child and as I have mentioned before, having two boys that far apart, IS like having two onlys. Very demanding business around here! LOL Both of my sons are naturally self driven, stubborn (they get from their Dad, obviously) and excel at sports. Every single one you can think of, we do it- except hockey!- too far to drive. Right now, we are in baseball season, and being that they are in two different leagues in two different towns, I will be spending LOTS of road time. This is my busiest time of the year, but I shall check in with you as often as possible. I also work, but nothing that excites me. I am an estate manager for a wealthy family in the tourist town where I live- Rocky Mountains. That is just like saying, "Hi, my name is Heather, and I will be your personal bitch for the next...insert number of years... how may I help you, today?" *smiles everyone!* Anyway, you will be hearing lots of my adventures at work in the future, no doubt, Trust me, I could not make this shit up... Also, some of you may have noticed that I am a dog fanatic. They are my favorite people, and I have three. Mickey, my old boy at 12, is a Boston Terrier and owner of my furry heart. Cera, is 9 and a Greater Swiss Mountain Dog. (google) No finer love in town- huge 130lb. teddy. Then there is crazy Tully!!! Our 18mo. old German Shepherd. He is nuts, but smart as a whip! Opens doors, but hasn't yet mastered the technique of closing. Little bastard. You'll be hearing lots about him too! Long winded, as usual, but oh soooo glad you are here! Love your guts. MwaaaH!  ~Heather <3

Heeeeeeer's Leslie

    Most of our initial readers will know us from our Facebook page, "I Think My Mom's Gone Crazy", so you are a little familiar with who Heather and I are. A couple of feisty, quick tempered (at times), potty mouthed, kid, baby, dog, kitteh, music loving mom's/wives. We decided to stretch over to the Blog world due to the repeating comment of, "I can so relate" that we hear on the page.  We want to be able to talk to and hear from people in more than just a comment. Our page is fun but it's meant to be a quick, funny outlet for us and our friends.  We'll also throw up some hilarious pictures, music and our favorite recipes from time to time.
   For the first post, I will attempt to put together a little "about me" bio. I say attempt because I'm not a writer and my ADD takes over at every opportunity. I'm sure I'll rewrite this, copy and paste, move around and delete 100 times before I'm done.
   I'm a twice married (current on the 2nd) mom of 5. 4 boys and 1 girl ages 20 to 8. My oldest is in his 2nd year of college, the 17 yr old is a senior going into college (if it kills both of us), my 14 yr old will be in High School next year, the girl, 11, will be in Middle School next year, and the little man is 8 in Elementary School. I recently left the insurance broker I was with to start my own brokerage. It's been tough starting but I'm pushing through. My husband is a district manager for a restaurant chain in our area.  Like all parents, I love my kids more than life and would capture the moon for them if I could. That being said it doesn't mean I don't want to sell them to the circus from time to time. My younger years were a constant dysfunctional roller coaster with an alcoholic, physically abusive mother.  I've learned that when things get tough to push them down as deep as possible (I'm getting help for this habit) and push through. I don't advise this tactic for anyone. It never works out very well for me.  I have a wicked sense of humor, sarcasm that will split the average person in half and the courage to laugh and say things when others wont.   I don't think I'll shock anyone when I say I'm a stubborn, strong willed, perfectionist at times and a little crazy. If you've ever watched the show "What would you do" and have seen that one chic that doesn't even hesitate if she see's someone in danger or being hurt, that's pretty much me.  I'm not a crusader and I don't waive a flag but if I come upon a situation where someone/something can't or wont defend themselves, I most certainly will without hesitation. (This is what I meant about the ADD-rambling)  Anywho, that's the low down on me.  It's likely that this blog will be more therapeutic for me then I initially thought as I have had some pretty heavy things happen lately. We'll leave that for another post.