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Monday, November 19, 2012

Helful Tips for the Holidays

Whenever you open a non-liquor gift, loudly proclaim, “Oh, great, how the fuck am I supposed to drink this?
They’ll know what to get you next year.

If you’re forced to go to your employee Christmas party, always try to blackout.
Because no one wants to spend their Christmas vacation knowing for sure they got fired.

If you buy a bottle of liquor as a gift and accidentally drink half of it, just tell the giftee it’s a bottle and a personality test.
If he says it’s half full, he’s an optimist. If he says it’s half empty, he’s a dick.

If you receive three cocktail shakers every Christmas, you are a drunkard.
If you receive ten, get ready for an intervention.

Pine needles steeped in a bottle of vodka makes for an excellent gift.
Because, trust me, you sure as hell won’t want to drink it
Don’t worry if you hate wrapping presents, because your favorite store provides free gift wrapping.
Just give the brown bag a little twist around the neck of the bottle and hey! All done!

You're welcome.  ♥

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