Share Away!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Difference in parenting styles. Ya think????

As I mentioned before, my husband is a custom home builder, and with the economy/ real estate market in the tank around here, he has had to go to work out of town during the week, along with thousands of others. This is an opportunity that we are grateful for, (having been unemployed for over a year. Yikes!!) we are now used to it, and it is really lucky that he can come home on the weekends. Little man especially appreciates this, as it's been hardest on him. I only mention this again, because his absence during the week, makes certain... quirks, if you will, more noticeable to me when he is home. For example, we were rushing about to leave for a game, and my husband stops and says, "You know, YOU really need to call Coach and find out when the hell all-star tryouts are!" His accusatory tone totally sucked. It was as though I was dropping the ball and going to ruin the chance for our 6' 1", 15 1/2 year old, driver's license bearing, cell phone having, been playing baseball for over ten years (including all-stars) son. I just stared at him for a second, blinked, and said hotly, "Noooo.... I believe our son is capable of calling his coach HIMSELF and finding out when HIS tryouts are for HIS team." He hmmppffed, as is his way, and we continued to get ready. He informed me later, that he had talked to the coach and found out when they are. Hmm....

This little exchange left me slack jawed, and I thought, AHH-HAA!!! That is it right there. That is what has been bugging me with regards to my husband and eldest son for the past couple of years. We have completely different ideas of how to parent, now that our oldest is nearly grown.  Not to sound braggy, it fits in with my story, but our son is a great kid in all outward respects. Great grades, determined, self motivated, excellent athlete, cute, etc... On the home front, as with most teenagers, we have a slightly different story. He is not very nice to his little brother, sharp tongued and uber sarcastic, especially when it comes to talking with me!!! We go round and round. It's as if we are engaged in a never ending battle of wits, and he is always trying to test my knowledge. "Hey Mom, what is the limit of a function as x approaches a fixed constant? Hehehe..." GTFOutta here with that shit. He knows I hate math. Turd. LOL Test, test, test. Compete, compete, compete. I am not that competitive, and sometimes it really gets on my nerves! "Who sang this? What year did so and so happen? Even, "what time is it? "12:00." "Nope!! It is 12:02!!!" *sigh* It can be exhausting, and when I look to his Dad for a simple, "Zip it and leave your Mother be, kid." I am met with silence. I always assumed that it was because they were so alike that my husband probably thought it funny, or secretly relished the idea of our son getting the better of me. Now, I think it's one of two things. He is either suffering from a case of hero worship where our kid is concerned, being that he was quiet and shy as a teenager, OR he is struggling with the concept that our baby, is a baby no more! It is my opinion that we are here to show our kids how to be out on their own and fly away from the nest, hopefully being the best that they can be. If I tell my kids to do something, I expect them to do it. I have caught my husband many times doing a chore, that I clearly told our son to do. It is not going to help him in the long run if he can't at least bring his laundry downstairs, let alone do it himself, or make a damned pb &j sandwich for crying out loud!! He will be off to college in three years, and is nearly helpless when it comes to domestic stuff. I used to be bad too, thinking it was just easier to do it myself, but NO more!! He must learn and we must let him grow up, or we will have one of those snot-nosed 30 year olds living in our basement. Uhh... Not happenin'. 

We have been married for seventeen years, got pregnant right away, and I knew that our families have very different approaches to life. His stern and conservative, they are my grandparents age- a different generation- and mine were young when they had me during the very early 70's. My Mom especially, is an old hippie and was like, "whatever makes you happy, babe."  She is still that way, (though she later married an older, conservative fellow) so it's funny to me that mine and my husband's roles have been reversed from how we were raised. He is outwardly gruff and most are intimidated by him, also being a big man. I am the fun loving one and try to be friendly, most of the time. At home; however, it is me that has to be the resident hard-ass, and I roundly resent it. It goes against my nature, but I think my boys and their futures are worth the fight. The oldest always comes to me when there is a question about an activity that he wants to attend, and I recently said to him, "Why don't you ask your Dad?" His answer surprised me. He said, "You are the one who makes the decisions around here." Oddly, even though I know it's true, that made me sad... I want them to respect their Father, but if he doesn't command it, how can I expect them to? Sorry for rambling, but I am interested in your opinions. If you have gone through this with your kids' Dad, let me know how it turned out, will ya? I am troubled by this...  XO ~Heather

No comments: